This relates to my smoking post about the depression and why I may not be prescribed Champix.
Years ago when I was 8 my father decided to inform me in a rather practical way of the birds and the bees and strangers requesting sexual favours. He decided the way to go about it was to show me himself and ask me to touch him.I kicked off screamed and cried and never told anyone about it until I was 20 and it was my best mate I told.I know he never said anything to anyone else I could trust him with my life.Fast forward to April 2006 and my auntie comes to visit me slightly unusual in it's self but she obviously had something important to tell me.She proceeded to inform me that my 15 year old cousin had taken an overdose the year before and when they were discussing why she told her about the flashbacks and memories she had from when she was about 2/3 years old.
My parents had split up (which they had when it happened to me) and for soem reason my dad was childminding her and myself but me being a teenager was out with my friends and my cousin remembers someone else being there and my dad said he had something for her in the kitchen he sat her on the kitchen unit exposed himself to her and asked her to touch him.When my auntie told me this I broke down and told her what happened to me, then I ended up with her having to phone my mum because I couldn't talk.That all was fine and me and my mum have come out stronger through this.
Obviously this lead to court proceedings and my dad being arrested there was another girl involved but there were issues around this and due to these issues the case was dropped.
Now this isn't my issue but I need the background to the bit that is really bugging me at present.I am still incontact with him although I don't really want to be, but I am too bloody soft to tell him where to go because I think it's likely that he'll do something stupid as he has done quite often before.
My issues with him are as follows
- During my teenages years I spent most of the time trying to stop him taking an overdose
- When I was a child and in the house he kicked our backdoor in and wouldn't stop even when he saw the state I was in
- He nearly lost me my job when he drove over and turned up at the hotel I worked at drunk (ok I probably nearl;y lost me my job because I couldn't stop crying )
- He did the above to me
- During the run up tot he case he called and called and called and gave me grief for not ringing him (i lied and told him due to being unemployed I change to pay as you go and had no money to put on my phone)
- When at court he was told he hadn't to contact me and he told them that it was me calling him (I spent £12 getting back copies of my phone bills to prove i didn't and also kept the aggressive text messages he sent me)
- He still doesn't believe he's done anything wrong
- He informed me that as blood I should have stood by him (basically should never have spoke up about what he's done ) and told me his girlfriend and her family think I am the scum of the earth
Now he's calling me and complaining that I don't ring him and when he rings we only talk about the weather.What more does he want I don't think I really have anything I want to say to him.He wants to come and visit but is annoyed that it means he'll have to drive here and back in the same day because my boyfriend will not have him anywhere near the house.Truth is neither will I unfortunately it's easier to hide behind my fella on that one.I don't really ever want to see him again but I daren't tell him.He'll want to give me a hug and I don't ever want to touch him again.
I just don't know what to do!!!
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